Bringing Child Sexual Abuse Out of the Shadows

Child sexual abuse is an uncomfortable topic that many parents avoid discussing with their children. However, given the alarming statistics, it is critically important that we bring these conversations out of the shadows.

10 Reasons Parents Don't Discuss Child Sexual Abuse (and Why They Should)

1.     “Children are seldom victims of sexual abuse.”

·      Actually, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys experience sexual abuse before age 18. These shocking statistics alone should motivate parents to seek prevention strategies.

2.     “This doesn't happen where we live.”

·      Actually, child sexual abuse has no boundaries and can happen anywhere.

3.     “We don't let our children go near strangers.”

·      Actually, 93% of abuse is by someone known and trusted by the child and parents. Teaching only "stranger danger" does a disservice.

4.     “My child is not old enough for this discussion.”

·      Actually, age 3 is appropriate to start the discussion in an age-appropriate way.

5.     “I don't want to scare my child.”

·      Actually, when handled properly, children find the message empowering, not frightening.

6.     “I would know if something happened to my child.”

·      Actually, abuse is hard to detect because there are often no physical signs.

7.     “My child would tell me if something happened.”

·      Actually, most children don't immediately disclose abuse due to secrecy, shame, and fear.

8.     “We never leave our child alone with adults.”

·      Actually, children can also be abused by other children, so lessons about appropriate touch are still needed.

9.     “I don't want to put thoughts in her head.”

·      Actually, no data shows teaching about abuse makes children more likely to fabricate abuse.

10.  “It won't happen to my child.”

·      Actually, with the high statistics, no child is immune.

We need to stop denying it could happen and teach prevention.

There are many benefits to starting age-appropriate education about body safety and consent early. Not only can it help prevent abuse by empowering children with knowledge and language, but it helps remove shame and stigma surrounding child sexual abuse. This is healing for both child survivors and adult survivors who carry wounds and feel silenced.

By teaching our children preventative tools and fostering open communication, we not only protect them in the present but also equip them with life-long skills for setting boundaries and seeking help if needed. Starting at age 3, we can teach children proper names for private parts, that their body is theirs alone, and give them language to describe if someone makes them uncomfortable.

As children grow, continue the discussion by ensuring they know they can come to you if abuse occurs, that it is never their fault, and there are resources to help. Teach them to trust their instincts if a situation doesn't feel right. Let them know abuse thrives in secrecy, so speaking up gets it out of the shadows.

Rather than frightening, these conversations empower children when handled with care and reassurance. Just as we teach street safety, so too can we teach body safety in a non-threatening way. The alternative of silence only protects abusers and further isolates victims.

By shedding light on this issue, having open and ongoing communication, and making consent and bodily autonomy understood topics, we can work collectively to lower the alarming child sexual abuse statistics. It begins with ending the culture of silence and shame.

The health and safety of our children is worth these potentially life-saving conversations.

REACH OUT

• If you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse and struggle in your healing,

• If your child has been abused and you just don’t know what to do,

• Or you simply want to know about how you can be an advocate, contact me at

  Hello@HelenBrennerCoaching.com.